Hi There

 It's June 6, a real day that will always "live in infamy" due to the storming of the beaches at Normandy. 

I'm just feeling morose this evening. It's another day feeling lost. It's another weekend I didn't get to do anything that made me feel worthwhile, it's another day missing my dad, it's another day hating my job. 

The cicadas are funny, until they aren't. I discovered cicada-scar all along the small maple that I planted last year, the one that had been thriving since I planted it. Now I'm scared it will die due to all the cicadas trying to lay their eggs. 

I've been applying to so many jobs lately, and while I had a few interviews early on, most recently, I get nothing. I just get the auto-rejected email. I know from being on the other side of things that a lot of times, these positions are only posted because they have to be posted, and I hate that. I apply to the a job knowing that the administration at that school already knows who will get the position, and I go through the motions in an interview, and it sucks the life out of me with every rejection. 

Meanwhile, just walking the hallways at the school where I am sucks the life out of me. I see the plaques designating classrooms as "engineering" or "biomedical science" or whatever, and it just reinforces that I won't ever teach any of those classes, even though I was led to believe that would happen. I applied for and accepted a position to teach AP Biology and honors biology, but just weeks after my acceptance, I was told that the person who'd applied for the job that I didn't apply for, she had AP Biology experience. So they were going to have her teach the AP Biology classes, and give me the honors chemistry classes that I didn't want. 

The chemistry classes that I was trying to get away from. 

The carrot that was dangled in front of me when I was told the news was that "next year" I would be able to teach something that I had experience in. Something that fit my skill set of anatomy and forensics and genetics and anything else besides chemistry. 

The cake was a lie.